What We Forget
by HepburnJunkie22
Summary: It would give too much away... O'Pioneers! fic. Alexandra/Carl


_**I wrote this originally for the MOL on livejournal and decided to post it here. I don't own the story or any of the characters, but I do take credit for the poetic justice :)**_

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_"She knew at last for whom it was she had waited, and where he would carry her."_ – Willa Cather

Alexandra had always prided herself in being a somewhat…intelligent person, but lately she was not so sure. In her mind she understands that this change in her self has come from the deaths of Emil and Marie, the shock seemed to jolt her out of the stilted reality she had lived in for the past decade or so. Sitting on the railing of her front porch she realized abruptly that this revelation might have come too late, much to her dismay.

As she gazed over her land, yes that was exactly how she thought of it contrary to anything else, she couldn't help the hollow knot that seemed to form deep in the pit of her stomach. Yes it was true her fields and crops were bountiful and the land beautiful, but other than that what did she have to show for her life? She was strong and independent, she did not let people push her around as if she was a naïve woman, and she knew a great deal about the business, albeit through the method of trial and error.

She let her gaze linger on the swaying foliage; it seemed to form a dance with the wind, twirling and spinning of its own accord. The rich golden color seemed to radiate from every surface, casting the plants and nearby home into an ethereal glow. In all respects it was a sea…a sea of grass, sweeping towards the house and beyond that the outskirts of town.

She shivered and drew her shawl closer around her shoulders as the winds that mercifully chased away the heat in the summer turned icy in the winter. It would not be long before the dead plants would be covered in snow, turning the prairie into a wasteland. All that would be for miles would be snow and a sparse, bare tree or two. The chill from the wind seemed to increase as the sun began to sink into the horizon.

_A very routine existence_, she surmised, _that of the sun_.

For here it was, destined to set and rise on a different part of the world, every minute or every day, never quite resting, never given a chance to breathe. It would bring warmth to those who needed it and comfort that another day would begin to others; it was a constant, unflappable presence in everyone's lives, never wavering or faltering. Not that unlike her self, or what she had sacrificed for her self so that her family would prosper.

She would never resent her life…it had been everything she had strived for it to be. She had seen Lou and Oscar off into the world, made sure they were married and well on their way with children. Although she stood by what she said, they would have been better off had they stayed poor…well maybe better behaved, more appreciative would be a more realistic way to imagine it.

Of course she also had a hand in helping the younger generation, like that of Marie. Little Marie Tovesky, or Shabata as was her maiden name, the little girl that had captured her heart along with her brother's. She could still see her on that fateful day in the store, reminiscent of precious china doll dressed strikingly, skin so fair and hair so dark. The dress she wore was extravagant, almost other worldly in such a small town, but gave the impression that she was every bit the beauty she would eventually grow up to be. She had in fact become one of Alexandra's most trusted confidants, one of the constants in her life that never failed to bring her back from the edge.

Then there was Emil…sweet and imaginative Emil. He had always been the one bright spot in her storm of difficulties, the one investment she been most happy to make and retain. When he told her that he wanted to travel the world instead while pursuing his education, she had nearly fainted. He was a restless one, never to be kept or persuaded, he would do as he saw fit and regret nothing. Emil had never failed to amaze her with all of his dreams and schemes; he would have been something great.

_He was something great_, she scolded her self.

Shaking her self out of her melancholy revelry, Alexandra decided a walk around the property would be just the thing she needed to clear her mind. Steadily climbing down the porch steps, she heard the screen door creak slowly open. Looking over her shoulder, she saw her maid, Signa, standing in the doorway eyes wide in her young face. Alexandra smiled ruefully to herself, ever since Ivar had found her out in the storm after Emil died; he and Signa had taken to accompanying her wherever she went.

She did not mind the company so much, Signa after all had been with Alexandra through both the good and bad times, she knew more about her Mistress than anyone else…well maybe not Carl.

As she walked, Alexandra contemplated her relationship with Carl, the one that never seemed to flourish. Of course they were good friends and of course they could be more to one another, but the time never seemed to present itself. At first she was to busy trying to cultivate a life for her self and her family, whereas Carl seemed to be immensely unhappy on the prairie. He was not a farmer; he was an artist who worked well with his hands, making the paintbrush glide over one of his slides from childhood. He did not reap the same enjoyment that she did from seeing a sprout ling pry itself up through the earth to reach the sun.

Then when she was ready for his love, ready to embrace the idea of being comfortable with him and for once living her life for her self, her brothers stepped in to defend her honor. She would have gladly given up her land and fortune had it meant she could spend her life with Carl, which she proceeded to tell him. But it seemed that Carl was too much of an honest man to take the gesture, no matter with how much love it was

offered.

_I've lived a pretty lonely life…_

She could picture him clear as day in her mind, every nuance and subtlety that created the man she could, without reservation, admit she loved dearly. His broad shoulders, appendages that seemed to carry the entire world upon them, could only match his height. His dark wavy hair, thick enough to run her fingers through, would stubbornly curl forward over his forehead no matter how many times he combed it back. The tilt of his smirk would crook the side of his mouth boyishly, as he would incline his head shyly.

_ Oh how I miss him, _Alexandra thought somberly_**.**_

As she rounded the bend, her head lifted as to watch road and spied to very familiar bare feet stumbling her way. Lifting her head the rest of the way, Alexandra connected her eyes with the kindly face of Ivar. Although he looked everything but calm and composed, in fact he seemed a little on edge.

"Mistress!" he called frantically, flailing his arms.

Alexandra called back to him, her voice soft and reassuring, "What is it, Ivar?"

"Mistress!" he exclaimed, "There's someone here to…"

But before he completed the sentence Alexandra, saw the shadow of a man, a very familiar looking shadow, just over Ivar's right shoulder. The shadow shifted, and as he came closer her suspicions were confirmed. She stopped in her tracks, her heart seemed to freeze, her lungs ceased to expand, and she felt light-headed. Trying to clear her head she blinked her eyes a few times, swaying slightly on her feet, she felt a gentle grip on her arm, steadying her.

Raising her pale eyes skyward, Alexandra smiled at the man who had been in her thoughts for the better part of the day. Carl's dark eyes connected with her own as he graced her with on of his rare shy smiles; out of the corner of her eye she could see Ivar and Signa, trying to not be noticed as they walking back down the trail in the direction they came.

She was just so tired, tired from life... tired of the complexities that dwelled in her everyday life. She allowed Carl to pull her closer to his chest, gently cupping the crook of her elbow as leverage. As she felt his strong arms encircle her shoulders she felt a sense of tranquility wash over her, as if she had finally come home.

She shuddered as her cheek came into contact with his warm and solid chest, feeling it rumble as his rich baritone traveled through his lips. She smiled at the simple comfort his accent brought.

"I came as soon as I received the news, Alexandra," he explained, "I figured I could reach you as fast as any letter."

All Alexandra could do was simply hug his closer and hum in contentment. She was comfortable in the knowledge that he was here with her, and hopefully that is where he would stay.


End file.
